now i’m not usually one to uh, sip the haterade (as the kidz say), BUT this has been irritating me for a long time.
ABBREVIATING. THINGS. UNNECESSARILY.
i think the first time i really started to notice this extreme downturn in the english language was while i was editing someone’s work for a local magazine. it was a review of a coffee shop and the writer used the “word” POMO to describe the interior. sorry, what? turns out POMO is an abbreviation of POSTMODERN – so not only are you being obnoxious, but you’re using a word that means TEN ZILLION different things to describe the interior of a f&*(#king coffee shop.
AHEM.
after this initial run in, it seemed unnecessary abbreviations were popping up everywhere. washington mutual condensed into WaMu isn’t so obnoxious because their name is long (and obnoxious) in the first place, but THEN. then it carried over into products. like MOUNTAIN DEW abbreviated to MTN DEW. why? just in case you forgot what “mountain” looked like condensed into three letters? saving space on the can so you can put more mountains and green swirly stuff?!
but here come the crowning glories.
recently i stumbled upon the phrase ROM COM in a movie review in entertainment weekly. ROM COM? guess, dear readers, what this could possibly refer to. ROMANTIC. F#@&*KING. COMEDIES. oh – are your fingers tired, you poor overworked EW writers? can’t reach the other keys to type the COUPLE. OF. OTHER. LETTERS. to spell out those perfectly useful and regular-sized words?!
did you also know that NATIONAL GEOGRAPHIC is now NAT GEO, at least when it comes to their TV channel? why does one of the most respected mediums of scientific and educational programming feel the need to “GET HIP” and truncate (read: massacre) its name? UP NEXT! ON NAT GEO! i shudder everytime.
WHAT’S ON NATGEOTV? I DON’T KNOW BECAUSE YOUR ABBREVIATION IS HURTING MY EYES.
but my favorite, favorite, FAVORITEEE of them all is what the sci-fi channel did to itself, because it literally makes no sense.
yeah? YEAH? SCI-FI to SYFY. THAT IS LITERALLY AN ABBREVIATION OF AN ABBREVIATION. you know what’s even better? their crock of sh!t explanation about why they did it:
By changing the name to Syfy, which remains phonetically identical, the new brand broadens perceptions and embraces a wider range of current and future imagination-based entertainment beyond just the traditional sci-fi genre, including fantasy, supernatural, paranormal, reality, mystery, action and adventure. It also positions the brand for future growth by creating an ownable trademark that can travel easily with consumers across new media and nonlinear digital platforms, new international channels and extend into new business ventures.
OH, RLY?
Syfy more clearly captures the mainstream appeal of the world’s biggest entertainment category, and reflects the network’s ongoing strategy to create programming that’s more accessible and relatable to new audiences. Syfy will continue to celebrate the traditional roots of the genre, while opening the brand to accommodate a broader range of imagination-based entertainment.
and what do you know? all of that can be abbreviated to:
CHINGCHINGCHING WE WANT MORE MONEYZ CHINGCHING NEW BUSINESS VENTURES CHING NERDZ HAVE NO MONEYZ CHINGCHING MAINSTREAM APPEAL CHING EVRY1 HAV U FLWD US ON TWITTER? OR IS IT TWITR? TWTR? SEE THAT, IT’S PHONETICALLY IDENTICAL. CHING. SEE WHAT WE DID THERE? SWWDT? $$.
i hope a black hole eats you.
- da leopard
